الفراغ العاطفي بين الزوجين

2020-07-07 09:32:22 عدد المشاهدات: 3761 |
1006 - السلام عليكم ورحمة الله
الحمد لله، أنا شب ما بعرف الحرام ، بعد جهد جهيد أكرمني الله وتزوجت ، لكني بعد الزواج... لم أشعر بالحب تجاه زوجتي ، هي جيدة وأخلاقها عالية وأهلها محترمين ، لكن أنا ما عم اقدر بادلها مشاعر الحب
فهل هذا طبيعي ؟

بسم الله والحمد لله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله، وبعد:

أهلاً بك أخي في موقعك، ونسأل الله تعالى أن يقسم لك فيه الخير وللمسلمين.

أخي الكريم:

مهما حاولنا حديثاً عن العواطف والعواصف التي تحوط بالأسرة يظل حديثنا قاصراً، لأن الكلام النظري يختلف إلى حد ما في موضوع الأسرة عن الشيء العملي؛ لأن الكلام النظري في هذا السياق عام، بينما المشكلات مختلفة، لكل منها تفاصيل وتضاريس، تؤثر على القرار الذي يحمل في طياته الحل.

بعض البيوت قد يفتقد معنى الحب، وتبدأ المشكلة عندما يرى كل من الخاطبين الآخر قبل العقد فلا يشعر بنفور منه ولا انجذاب إليه، فهذا الانطباع الأول له ما وراءه، وغالباً ما يبقى أثره لوقت طويل، لكن الإنسان هو من يقرر مدى هذا الأثر وعمقه، باستسلامه له أو بتمرده عليه.

وينفع من يجد ذلك في أسرته أن يحاول البحث والتنقيب عن المواصفات التي يحبها في زوجته، فإن كان الحال العاطفي بينهما ليس موحلاً ولا موحشاً بشكل كبير، ولا متصحراً بطريقة جامحة تمنعه من الإنبات مستقبلاً، آتى هذا أكله وأثمر يانعاً، خاصة إن كان هذا الجفاف العاطفي ناشئاً عن ظروف أحاطت بالزواج في مستهله ومطلعه، كقِصَر مدة الخطبة مع الافتقار فيها للمناقشات واللقاءات الكافية والذي يحول دون الانسجام المنشود، ولا يظنَّن أن الليالي الدافئة بين الزوجين وحدها تضرم نار العاطفة بينهما، بل لا بد للأمر من وقت -ربما يطول- كونه لم يُخلَق من النظرة الأولى، وليس من الصواب أن ينتظر الزوجان نتائج طبيعية لمقدمات استثنائية.

إضافة إلى ذلك:

أحياناً يكون الزوجان من أسَر محافظة، يلتزمان الأدب والدين، فهما بكران من الناحية العاطفية، وعاطفة كل منهما تعتبر بحراً مضى على هدوئه سنين، وإن احتاجا لتهييجه بشكل عملي وفاعل -كونه لم يهج في اللقاء الأول- فهما في أول طريق طويل وحساس، وأسبوع أو شهر بعد الزواج وحتى سنة لا أظنها كافية لهذه المهمة، ولعلها تحتاج قريباً من ثلاث سنين، يعارك فيها الزوجان معاً حلو الحياة ومرها، في كل يوم يخطوان نحو بعضهما خطوة، وتزيد النازلات -كالمرض والحمل- الود بينهما إن أحسنا صناعة الاهتمام الذي يأسر القلب.

أخي الكريم..

أنت الآن متعبَّد باستثارة عاطفتك وشهوتك تجاه زوجتك، فذكِّر نفسك -كلما خلوتَ بنفسك- ذلك الأمر، وافتح لنفسك آفاق الممارسة العاطفية كما أغلقتَها عليها سنين.

وهنا سؤال يفرض نفسه: ما المحاذير الممكنة إن لم يجد الزوجان الحب بينهما؟

وهل الافتقار إلى العاطفة اللاذعة وحدَه مع اجتماع المفردات الأخرى يعني انعدام السعادة الأسرية؟

لعل في مسلَّماتنا تجاه الحب مشكلة، ولعلنا تأثرنا بضرورة وجوده في الأسرة لرغبتنا أن نعيش -في إطار الحلال- تلك العواطف التي قرأنا عنها أو شاهدناها أو سمعنا عنها..، لكني أرى أن الحب لون جميل إن كان بين الزوجين، وهناك ألوان كثيرة أخرى في الحياة الزوجية تغني عنه، كالشعور بالرضا عن البيت، وانعدام المشكلات فيه، والشعور بالتميز على المستوى الأسري بالاختيار الصحيح، والاحترام البيِّن بين الزوجين أمام الناس، وشهادة الآخرين بنموذجية الأسرة، واجتماع الزوجين عند القطب الذي تتوجه إليه عاطفتهما مستقبلاً بشكل قسري؛ والمتمثل في الولد... وغير ذلك كثير.

نعم، الحب إن كان فهو شيء رائع، لكنه إن لم يكن موجوداً مع توافر التوفيق بين ثنايا المفردات الحياتية فإن غيابه لا يؤثر على بقية ألوان هذه اللوحة الماتعة، فما رأيك أن تتوقف عن الحديث عن الافتقار العاطفي، وترسِّخ العكس بأفكار إيجابية وجرعات عاطفية عالية، ولتدرب نفسك على ممارسة الحب ولو تكلفاً وبالتدريج، حتى تتقبله النفس وتتفاعل معه بعد حين.

ولكن.. احذر من أن تضع خيار الفراق عند الفراغ العاطفي ضمن لائحة الخيارات، بل تعامل مع طريق الفراق على أنه طريق مسدود، وستصنع عندها سعادتك بيدك لأنك تؤمن بأنه لا خيار آخر لديك، لن تنتظرها، لن تفكر بالرجوع أبداً.

سألت الله لك حياة سعيدة مستقرة، وأن يملأ قلبك بما تحب مما يحب.

والله تعالى أعلم

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