هل أهل زوجتي - أو خطيبتي - مثل أهلي!

2020-07-07 11:35:42 عدد المشاهدات: 1828 |
1033 - السلام عليكم ورحمة الله
أستاذنا الكريم
ما رأيكم بالزوج الذي يقول: أهل زوجتي - أو خطيبتي - مثل أهلي، أمها كأمي، وأخواتها كأخواتي! ثم يتعامل معهم على هذا الأساس. هل هذا صحيح؟

بسم الله والحمد لله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله، وبعد:
أهلاً وسهلاً ومرحباً بك أخي في موقعك، ونسأل الله تعالى أن يقسم لك فيه الخير وللمسلمين 

أخي الكريم: هذا سؤال متكرر والتباس وارد، ممكن أن يقع بعض الرجال، ولا يمكن أن نحكم على كل الحالات بأنها خطأ محض، ولا صواب صرف، فلكل حالة تقديرها بخصوصياتها وأبعادها. 

لكن - وبشكل عام - يمكننا معالجة هذه القضية بالوقوف على النقاط الآتية: 

 

النقطة الأولى: الإقرار بأن أهل الزوجة - أو المخطوبة - لهم مكانتهم العالية عند الزوج - أو الخاطب - لا مشكلة فيه، لكن المشكلة هي المبالغة في الإطراء، فالعقل والمنطق يقول أن ينزَّل كل إنسان منزلته، دون مبالغة، ولا تقصير.

 

النقطة الثانية: نميز بين الكلام وبين الفعل في هذه المسألة، فالقول الذي يحمل في طياته الاحترام والتقدير والإجلال لا مشكلة فيه، المشكلة تكمن في أن يرخي الخاطب بظله أو الزوج بمسؤولياته على أهل زوجته من دون حساب، على أساس أنهم كأهله، يتحمّلون منه ما يتحمّله أهله، ناهيك عن توابع ذلك من الإثقال بالزيارات - إلى درجة السُّكنى -، وفضفضة الخاطب لأم المخطوبة - وبطريقة سافرة - عن الخلافات معها وعيوبها ونواقصها وطبائعها...، من باب أنهما في عين أسرتها في منزلة واحدة! والأنكى من ذلك أن يتحدث عن مشكلات أسرته وأسرار عائلته أمام أحمائه وأنسابه!

 

النقطة الثالثة: قد يزيد الطين بلَّة أن يتشدق الرجل بمحبته لأهل زوجته أمام أهله (خاصة الأم والأخت)، فيزعجهم أن يروا ابنَهم يُنزل أهل زوجته بمنزلتهم، ولربما بدأت الغيرة بين النساء والمقارنات بين الأهلين، أو الخاطبين، أو أخوات الخاطب والمخطوبة...

 

النقطة الرابعة: أخوات الزوجة وبنات أخواتها، وزوجات إخوتها وبناتهم، وبنات أعمامها وعماتها وأخوالها وخالاتها... كل هاته النسوة أجنبيات عن الزوج، لا يجوز بينهم أي تجاوز أخلاقي أو شرعي بأي حجة كانت (والحمو الموت).

 

النقطة الخامسة: رفع التكلُّف بين الصهر وأهل زوجته غير محمود مع مرور الأيام، والحالات الاستثنائية في ذلك ليست مقياساً، وهذا لا يعني لزوم التكلف الزائد، إنما يتصرف الصهر بما يليق به وبمكانته بين أسرة زوجته، ولا يثنيه ذلك عن إكرامهم، فمن الحسَن أن يكون الزوج قدوة لزوجته في التعامل مع الأهل، فبقدر إكرامه لأهلها يعلّمها إكرام أهله.

 

النقطة السادسة: ليس للزوجة أن تتعامل بنديّة مع أهل زوجها على أساس "العين بالعين"، فلا تقترب من أهله إلا بقدر اقترابه من أهلها، فالمرأة تابعة لزوجها في مسكنه ولقبه ومكانته، وليس هو تابعاً لها بل قيماً عليها.

 

هذه تلميحات عامة، ويبقى لكل حالة خصوصيتها وما يناسبها.

والله تعالى أعلم

 

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